|How Can You Keep Saying No To This Face, London?|
I do everything right with these London Girls!
I smile at random London Girls on the tube!
I interrupt London girls on the street in the middle of their conversations, and I say, "Hi, London Girl, how are you today? You are beautiful today. Can I have your email?"
I talk to London Girls at bars. I say, "Can I buy you a drink?"
They say, "Sure."
I buy them a drink. Then I say, "Will you be my girlfriend?" And they always say no!
I even ignore really pretty London Girls, pretend that they're mud below my feet, to play hard to get! And I never get them!
Something is definitely wrong with these London Girls.
|London Girls at Weatherspoons (Actual London Girls Pictured)|
I said, "How come you London Girls won't go out with me, eh?"
Another said, "We don't even know you, chap."
I said, "My name is Tim." Then I waited thirty seconds, and said, "Will you be my girlfriend?" to all of them, hell, I'm not picky at this point.
They shook their heads, no!
After five tries with similar results, I delved deeper into the question. I asked my friend, Ukaisha, who happens to be in London, but not a London Girl herself, why London Girls won't go out with me.
|My Friend, Ukaisha (Artist's Interpretation)|
She said, "I thought you were gay."
My other friend in London but not a London Girl friend, Heather, agreed with Ukaisha. "Are you sure you're not gay?" she asked.
I told them to find me a London Girlfriend. I said, "I will do anything. I won't disagree with anything they say or do anything to get them mad. I'll even start talking weird like they do. I'll use kilometers. I'll convert all of my money into pounds. I will stay in London forever. They won't even know I'm there. I won't be there if they don't want me there. I just want someone funny! Or not funny, whatever. Don't tell them I said that."
And they just looked at me! What did I expect? They're what I like to call Chicago Girls. And Chicago Girls and London Girls are fucking nuts!
Until next time, HAVE A GREAT CHICAGO!