Black Squirrels Can Probably Kill You, Probably

As your trusted investigative blogger, you may believe that there is no line I will not cross to get to THE TRUTH. And, I admit, this was the case for about two blogs, and then I saw this fucking thing. A BLACK FUCKING SQUIRREL.

You are lucky I got this close to it, because the eyes really were glowing and it was black and it was scary. And yet, here it was, in the park.

AND NO ONE SEEMED TO CARE.

Is this a new breed of super squirrel? Will these darker, slimmer squirrels be able to sneak into your homes and kidnap your children? Probably, I don't know. Who knows what they're capable of?

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND FIND OUT.
YOU WIN DEMON SQUIRRELS. I will not investigate you. I will not pursue THE TRUTH.

....until next time, HAVE A GREAT CHICAGO!